Our Dear Leader: President Tolerance
Our dear President is an enlightened, old soul. Just four short decades ago, before the enlightened era, he was an unknown politician. Yet he quickly rose to prominence when he was appointed to the esteemed post of Tolerance Czar, all thanks to the Nebraska Compromise.
In the last years under the old Constitution, the appointment process for the very first Czar was hotly contentious, even by 21st Century standards.
The President suggested 14 appointments, but none would be confirmed by the Senate.
After two years, the government ground to a halt. Agencies could not comply with the National Tolerance Policy Act of 0005 B.E.E. (Before the Enlightened Era) because there was no Tolerance Czar to inform everyone what tolerance was.
Officials could not submit their Tolerance Impact Statements and therefore had to stop functioning. The TSA stopped searching old ladies’ shoes, and the FCC ceased regulating television and radio broadcasts for content.
The Department of Agriculture stopped cross-breeding horses, and the Department of Energy stopped cross-breeding horses with horseflies.
Even the media declared that the war on drugs was about to be lost. Not many people noticed until the first month Social Security checks were not deposited. Civil disorder broke out and a few states threatened secession. A compromise had to be made.
The Nebraska Compromise provided for the appointment and confirmation of Tolerance Czar Tolerance. Tolerance Czar Tolerance, as his first order of business, prevented civil war by courageously ordering that Social Security checks be issued immediately. Hailed as a genius, Tolerance saw his career take off.
Tolerance Czar Tolerance was able to answer tough questions by carefully analyzing the NTPA’s call for the advancement of tolerance and acceptance. Tolerance Czar Tolerance was able to analyze Tolerance Impact Statements at an incredible rate. Whenever a tough decision had to be made in the Congressional and Senatorial Tolerance Committees, the committees delegated the decision to the Tolerance Czar.
Tolerance Czar Tolerance was so effective, talk of a presidential run sprung forth.
Tolerance became the great arbiter in Federal politics. In 0002 B.E.E., the Tolerance Czar was given the additional task of tabulating the electronic votes required in all federal elections so that the mistakes of past elections would never be repeated.
In the momentous year of 0001 B.E.E., Tolerance Czar Tolerance tabulated the votes in a successful call for a new Constitutional Convention.
More impressively, Tolerance received the nominations of both major political parties for the office of President, the votes for which he was not even in charge of counting.
Since that momentous period in our nation’s annals, our Dear Leader has ushered in nearly 40 years of glorious peace, 40 years of the Enlightened Era.
The President, now in his 10th term, has not been seen for years. But he still responds to his email from time to time.
Meanwhile, rebellions rage in parts of the country, and new foreign wars are brewing. The U.S. Department of Internal Security – wielding power in the President’s absence – is desperately trying to find the President before rebels or rival factions within the government can.
You can read more about President Tolerance's very peaceful America here.
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